Do you think that beautiful woman you pass by every morning at the train station, smartly dressed in a pinstriped suit, with perfect shiny hair and makeup has high self-esteem? What about the chubby teenager with acne who grabs your coffee at Starbucks in the morning- think she has it? Or your boss? Your mother? Your best friend?

The first thing that pops up in the dictionary when you look up self esteem is “a realistic respect for or favorable impression of oneself; self respect.” Well. When it’s put this way it almost seems EASY to understand! Respect- we all want that don’t we? So it shouldn’t be hard to give it to ourselves…

So why are we struggling? What will it take for us to look in the mirror and actually like that face or body that we see there? This is the body we were given; it’s the only one we are EVER going to get so we really have no choice but to accept it. Of course we have the choice to fix it, or better it so that we may like what we have more. This is why we exercise, why we wear makeup and style our hair so painstakingly every morning. We either don’t like what we see, or we simply want to elaborate on it.

I’m not concerned with what you do on the outside to make yourself look pretty, or feel stylish- I do it too. Do you know how hard I struggle to straighten my hair? Or how I still look at the cellulite on my thighs and wonder for a moment what it would be like to have smooth legs? I’m concerned with what’s going on in your head to make you feel that you aren’t worth giving yourself the self-respect you deserve. You may grumble about not getting respect from others; perhaps it’s a pattern you repeat with men, or with female friends you attract. Have you stopped and asked yourself- are you showing the world that YOU respect YOURSELF? I’m not trying to berate you- I’m just putting a simple question out there. Think about it. How do you appear to others?

Do you let people walk all over you? Do you stay in a situation you know you should be out of, or deserve better, such as a relationship or your job? Do you not speak up to people and let your opinion be heard instead of letting others decide for you? These may seem like such small things on this page but when you add them up, they really do speak volumes.

Actions speak louder than words. Think about this statement. Why do we find it so hard to say what we really want? We may want something so bad, but our actions tell a completely different story. And since we’re not saying otherwise, this is what outsiders see and come to know about us. Until you find your voice, nothing can really change.