Life with Chere Michelle

Inspirational Rambles by one Veggie girl trying to live happy & healthy.

Posts Tagged depression

Just One of Those Days

Apr 27

Posted by Chere Michelle in Blogging, Healthy Living | No Comments

I’m trying hard not to feel sorry for myself tonight. It’s just a funk that came over me as I watched My Guy leave with Moops; on the way to drop her at Brownies, and then he was off to a rehearsal. I had stuff to do tonight, yes, but some crazy-ass blue mood descended over top of me and dropped like a lead balloon. I dragged my feet to the store, literally…my coat fit funny and then I looked down when a gust of wind blew and saw my gut clearly outlined- as if I was pregnant. It was that big…sigh…but of course no happy ball ‘o baby in there, just some excess uh, adipose tissue. Yeah, right.

I tell myself it’s the weather. We had this teaser of sun last weekend. I got some colour and we lazed in the back garden after an awesome long urban bike ride. It was warm enough to be without a sweater and My Guy even dozed off on the grass…pure heaven. Then the rain came back. It’s a crappy excuse though because hey, I live on the Wet Coast. I know this is the weather we have. It doesn’t mean I have to LOVE it though. I try to tell myself I’m allowed to be in a funk if I want to be. Rumour has it the sun will come back, hopefully for the weekend and I can get back on my bike and feel alive once more.

I dread going to the gym these days. It’s only because the thought of being inside a hot, stuffy room with a bunch of whirling and thumping machines doesn’t appeal to me at all. But can I lose these extra pounds on the bike alone? Can I do it? Am I making lame-ass excuses again? I just want to be outside. In the warm air…

It’s just one of those days…it too shall pass. Tomorrow I’ll wake up loving life once more and excited to see what the day will bring.

I thought of another reason for my funk. Aslan, one of our cats, was ill (but on the mend). He’s never 100% due to the fact he’s a diabetic and has pancreatitis…but he had an attack (of pancreatitis) over the weekend and it really scared me. I was so thankful I worked in the industry and could bring him to the hospital; that I could watch him and had people I *knew* and trusted looking after him. My Guy and I were so worried because everything Aslan is – annoyingly cute, a brat, begger of food – he was not over the past 3 days. He was listless, his eyes were blank and staring. He also wasn’t eating. My heart broke because he can’t tell me where it ‘hurts’…perhaps it’s silly to be so attached to an animal- some might say. I say, screw them. He’s on the mend- and the difference is amazing…although the outcome is GOOD now, the anxiety and tension that was built up in my body has now erupted…and I’m drained.

But I digress. Perhaps I’ll retire to bed with a book and wait for this funk to pass.

Sleep tight.

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Lost in Thought

Jun 25

Posted by Chere Michelle in Blogging, Inner Happiness | 1 Comment

Since the last 5 minutes of my work day I’ve felt lost…and like I’m in a fog. It was just one of those days where an incident, after I had clocked out, really hit me hard and I can’t explain why. I was on my way out the door, ready for my weekend to begin and a Client was rushing in, holding a bundle of towels against his chest. There was a small dog amongst those towels and I suddenly felt so sad…I brought that little guy to the back into our treatment area, watched for a moment to see he was stabilized and tended to…and then made my way out…I wasn’t on shift anymore and the capable hands at the clinic would take care of him.

I can’t explain why I felt so sad and empty. I just walked to my car and thought, what would I do if I just came home and found one my pets just lying on the floor? What would I do if I had to experience a significant loss? I’ve been lucky- I’ve not dealt with alot of death personally; such as family and friends. I’ve watched so many others go through it and stood helplessly by wishing I could help. I know, in hindsight, my just being ‘there’ was help enough but at the time, it never feels good enough.

I don’t know the prognosis on that little dog; I’m sure he’s fine…I think that moment was just a catalyst for me, for something else. I have no reason to feel empty or lost…my present is wonderful and my future looks promising. I have the love of My Guy, a job I like going to every day (usually), a roof over my head, a car that runs and food in my fridge. My family is healthy…

But I can’t explain the overwhelming sadness that hit me as I drove away from work today. Perhaps it’s just the end of a work week and all the sad stories or touchy situations piled on top of one another…and the pile just crashed down. Whatever it was, its stuck with me most of the evening and turned my Friday night into a Quiet Time. A time of reflection.

My thoughts are with everyone out there; man, woman, child and animal who is struggling and/or suffering through pain…may they find their way to the top and lift their faces to the sun.

Namaste.

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I feel pretty, oh so pretty!

May 25

Posted by Chere Michelle in Blogging, Healthy Living, Inner Happiness, Nutrition, Weight Loss | No Comments

Since I’m always bumming around the Web, when I come across articles or blog posts that catch my eye I want to share them. That’s what happened with this post entitled What it Feels Like for a Girl that I stumbled across this evening. The author tells us about  the lengths a friend of hers go through to be attractive to her partner. I urge you to read the post because the style is really engaging and you will get a definite feel for what women feel they MUST do in order to be attractive.

I believe women fall into 2 categories: some do it for themselves and some do it for their partner or mate. I do think there are benefits to both…let me explain. I’m not saying you should do everything your partner wants you to do (in regards to your look) but if you know they like a certain ‘something’ it’s great to throw that into the mix every once in awhile right? But women should also be going through their lives looking HOW THEY WANT TO LOOK because they have to be comfortable in their own skin. This is so important and again, ties to the whole self-esteem issue I’ve talked about.

The post I read largely focuses on makeup. It got me to thinking about what I do on a daily basis. I like to think I’m low maintenance. Basically I tip my head upside down after I shampoo my hair and aim the dryer at it….no fussy styling. I will usually run the straightener through it if I have the time, only because it smooths out the frizzies my somewhat curly hair has. That’s it. As for makeup? Eyeliner. I need to wear it or my eyes disappear into my face. Seriously. I like a bit of color on my cheeks too because, the silly little girl in me, thinks it makes me look younger.

But other than that I’m pretty plain and I’m happy with that. I can’t imagine putting on face make up and powder every single day…I can’t imagine putting on full eye make up and choosing shadow colors every morning! It’s just not me. I think if a woman is happy with wearing make up daily, with wearing lingerie, or with getting waxed…then by all means DO IT.

Do it for yourself.

I shave my legs when I’m single…and I always paint my toenails, but never my fingernails….this never changes. There are certain things I do for myself…such as wear perfume! I need my scent. I’m lost without it.

Going back to feeling good about ourselves, these are the little things I do to feel good about MYSELF daily. Think about what you do daily, weekly or monthly, and WHY? Are you changing yourself for someone else? Or are you simply doing what you need to feel good?

Love life. Love yourself.

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