Posts Tagged insomnia

Just another day in Paradise

Sometimes I feel like a utter and complete wreck. If it’s not my bowels bothering me, it’s my head…which pounded for 3 days and I went to the doctor at My Guy’s insistence. I grumbled, “I’m not a SICKIE!” but my doc said I’ve got an ear infection…in both ears. I wish at times I could rip these hunks of flesh off my head and chuck them in the ocean for all the grief my ears have caused me over the years. This was one more little thing to add on to make me feel just a little bit crappy…I’m on different antibiotic drops (with a steroid in it) and it’s only day 2 but I have high hopes. So to those who know me and work with me, just speak a little louder because I swear, I’m not ignoring you!

The new digs are great but there are some problems in the name of Aslan, the cat. He’s keeping us up at night, every night, with his meowing, batting at the pulls on the blinds, beating up his brother, swatting My Guy’s alarm clock off his bed-side table at 4 am….the list goes on. I thought maybe it’s just because we’re in a new place and surely he’ll calm down…but no, not so far and we’re both getting grumpy. Shutting the bedroom door does no good because Aslan just throws his big body against the door and howls in rage…then the other cat gets all agitated…and the madness never stops…See this vicious cycle?

On the bright side, everything I need is within walking distance now. Technically it was before but I had to wade through Suburbia-Hell to get to it, so I always hopped in my car to get where I needed to go that much faster. Now it’s different. I WANT to walk along Main…I want to walk to my doctors and take Cambie back or explore a new little street and discover a tucked away little family grocer I never knew existed.

I’m standing here on this invisible line; one step in front of me is this new life and I’m so eager to jump head first into it. It’s one step at a time, one day at a time and all these little obstacles (like my ears and Aslans night-time antics) are just little bumps along the way. Life is a collection of these little things and we should be in tune to them.

Before I leave, let me leave you with one little story…it happened this morning at 7 am. I decided to walk out with My Guy as he left for work, a little kiss on the back porch, you know how it is. As I’m standing there watching him walk off in the pouring rain, I see some of the items we haven’t really found a home for yet, getting wet so I think “I should go move those out of the rain.” I reach behind me and pull the door closed so the crazy cats don’t escape…little do I know My Guy has locked the door (the bottom twisty-type lock). I go about my business and move some stuff and decide it was a dumb idea, too cold and want to go back inside…BAM! I walk into the door as I attempt to turn the handle. It’s locked! It’s 7 am, and I’m in a robe and slippers…the more I hesitate the farther down the street towards the bus stop, is My Guy. I hitch up my robe, kick off my slippers and run down the side of house bellowing his name…he can’t hear me! It’s raining and he’s probably running for the bus…I bellow more for good measure though.

I had to admit defeat and thought long and hard about the possibilities of crawling through the barred windows (albeit the bars are quite decorative and all) while the 2 cats stared at me. No doubt they were wondering what the hell I was doing on the wrong side of the window when there was breakfast to be dished out…

Hundreds of thoughts flew through my head: ‘Yay I can take the day off, but wait how will I call in? And wait, what kind of day off will it be in the rain?’ Sigh. The landlords live 2 streets up the road so again, I hike up my robe, clutch my slippers to my chest and head out into the rain. It’s pouring- hard, typical Vancouver rain. Unrelenting. (Turns out the radio announced it was the wettest day today…but I digress) I run up the street in my bare feet, the cool water feels kind of nice actually and it’s liberating to fly by morning commuters in your robe; a flash of my fuchsia nightie lending me a touch of mystery (or so I like to think…).

I rounded the hedge to landlords house, and there He was. On the porch, face to face with a drenched mad-woman, no doubt homeless in a robe with wet slippers in her hand…I had nothing to say but ‘Um hi. I locked myself out…’ and he laughed. I laughed too.

…I ran home with the spare keys clutched in my fingers, the cool wetness no longer feeling that great because my feet felt raw….but I got in to the warmth and to my hungry cats!

That my friends, was a helluva way to wake up…and all before my coffee!

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A Jumbled Mess of Thoughts

I’ve had trouble sleeping the past few nights. I don’t know if it’s the warmer weather (OK those of you in Vancouver, know I’m probably grabbing at strings here….) or the fact My Guy has been away all week. It’s something. I’m on the brink of some new changes in my life, and it’s as if I’m balancing on the edge of a cliff- knowing the slightest move could upset the delicate balance I’ve achieved; but yet knowing I must embrace the fall with open arms.

There is a move in my future. Soon I will have the green space I once had and again, I can flourish in a garden as I did many years ago in the Heights. I can let The Boys out to roam in the grass, and enjoy drinks on the patio…it’s been a long time coming. I’m not worried about that move. I feel in my heart it’s a great thing to do- I’ve missed being a part of a lively and active community so the fact I’m heading to an extremely funky neighborhood has me tickled pink. While it’s not my West End, it’s damn sweet…I feel there are only positive things to come from this move.

I do worry about age…I worry about never getting the opportunity to be the wonderful Mother I know I could be. I worry about not sharing my creativity and watching another human being blossom into their own person…but I can’t worry. Do I not tell people, life happens this way for a reason? We’re where we are FOR A REASON…and everything we did to get to this point, was what we NEEDED to do? Taking a dose of my own medicine is sometimes akin to getting a kick in the head. I don’t know what tomorrow has in store for me, let alone a couple of years down the road. I need to take my own advice to heart and just enjoy…

Acupuncture is helping alot with allowing my mind to slow down, and my body to heal. I have had 4 sessions now, and I truly feel refreshed once the session is over. I don’t fall asleep during the session (I can’t sleep well at the best of times) but I do feel my mind drifting and my thoughts are not the jumbled mess they usually are. I don’t know if the sessions are helping my bowels at all YET, but I do feel an overwhelming sense of calm and peace- and positivity. That’s gotta count for something right?

A trip home to the Island is in my cards as well next month. I still say “home” when referring to where I grew up. I didn’t appreciate it as a teenager- I just wanted to get to the CITY- but I get all warm and fuzzy inside when I think of the journey back…

You are always welcome at home.

This post has been all over the place; but to try and sum up my thoughts I’d have to go with: It’s a season of change for me, and I must let go of my fears and worries and let life simply, run it’s course.

Love Chere Michelle

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