Posts Tagged self esteem

Right here, Right now…

So many thoughts to put down but all they do is swirl about my head, taunting me to put them to the screen. I want to jump up and scream “I’m so happy!” but my headache of the past 3 days is causing me to be less than exuberant. I want to write a million words but my computer and writing set-up at the new digs isn’t all that comfortable. Yet. Despite these things, I wake up and embrace each day and look forward to coming HOME to my new home and My Guy. It’s been a while since I’ve truly let myself feel like this; and let me tell you, it’s exhilarating.

As Melissa over at Sugar Filled Emotions would ask: what am I thankful for?

- I’m thankful I moved back to Van city; even though I was just across the bridge, it feels like I’ve come home…

- I’m thankful we asked for a recommendation for a full and rich, IN YOUR FACE, red wine tonight at Firefly Fine Wines and for under $20 received what was the best red I’ve had in a long time. It was pure velvet on my tongue….a Malbec from Argentina by the name of Domaine Jean Bousquet. Once I finished my glass I suggested My Guy run back to the store and get a case of the stuff. Yeah, it’s THAT smooth. It’s proof a really great wine doesn’t have to break the bank. Oh and no, he didn’t go get a case…

- I’m thankful mom’s ultrasound was all good…

- I’m thankful I live closer to 2 very special people in my life whom I haven’t spent nearly enough time with as of late (G & L) It’s never too late to rekindle friendships; if you are missing someone, pick up the phone and call them. Don’t let people you love slip past you.

Enough about being thankful…let’s get to the nitty-gritty. I’ve put on some extra weight and it’s my promise to myself and to My Guy, to shed those pounds and be who I was. I’m ok with how I look; but I don’t LOVE how I look. I’m not the woman I was 2 years ago when the weight loss was kind of still new feeling and I was on cloud 9. Now I feel as if I shouldn’t have slipped. I feel like these extra pounds are weighing my spirit down and to work hard at losing them, would probably boost my self esteem. People say I’m not fat but that overweight girl inside of me will NEVER quite see that. I will always see who I was in the mirror…these pounds need to be lost FOR ME and me alone. I need to prove to myself I can do it again.

If there is something you’ve been putting off, maybe now is a good time to tackle it. I’d love to write more but damn this work space is sucking right now. Sleep well.

CM

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A Jumbled Mess of Thoughts

I’ve had trouble sleeping the past few nights. I don’t know if it’s the warmer weather (OK those of you in Vancouver, know I’m probably grabbing at strings here….) or the fact My Guy has been away all week. It’s something. I’m on the brink of some new changes in my life, and it’s as if I’m balancing on the edge of a cliff- knowing the slightest move could upset the delicate balance I’ve achieved; but yet knowing I must embrace the fall with open arms.

There is a move in my future. Soon I will have the green space I once had and again, I can flourish in a garden as I did many years ago in the Heights. I can let The Boys out to roam in the grass, and enjoy drinks on the patio…it’s been a long time coming. I’m not worried about that move. I feel in my heart it’s a great thing to do- I’ve missed being a part of a lively and active community so the fact I’m heading to an extremely funky neighborhood has me tickled pink. While it’s not my West End, it’s damn sweet…I feel there are only positive things to come from this move.

I do worry about age…I worry about never getting the opportunity to be the wonderful Mother I know I could be. I worry about not sharing my creativity and watching another human being blossom into their own person…but I can’t worry. Do I not tell people, life happens this way for a reason? We’re where we are FOR A REASON…and everything we did to get to this point, was what we NEEDED to do? Taking a dose of my own medicine is sometimes akin to getting a kick in the head. I don’t know what tomorrow has in store for me, let alone a couple of years down the road. I need to take my own advice to heart and just enjoy…

Acupuncture is helping alot with allowing my mind to slow down, and my body to heal. I have had 4 sessions now, and I truly feel refreshed once the session is over. I don’t fall asleep during the session (I can’t sleep well at the best of times) but I do feel my mind drifting and my thoughts are not the jumbled mess they usually are. I don’t know if the sessions are helping my bowels at all YET, but I do feel an overwhelming sense of calm and peace- and positivity. That’s gotta count for something right?

A trip home to the Island is in my cards as well next month. I still say “home” when referring to where I grew up. I didn’t appreciate it as a teenager- I just wanted to get to the CITY- but I get all warm and fuzzy inside when I think of the journey back…

You are always welcome at home.

This post has been all over the place; but to try and sum up my thoughts I’d have to go with: It’s a season of change for me, and I must let go of my fears and worries and let life simply, run it’s course.

Love Chere Michelle

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I feel pretty, oh so pretty!

Since I’m always bumming around the Web, when I come across articles or blog posts that catch my eye I want to share them. That’s what happened with this post entitled What it Feels Like for a Girl that I stumbled across this evening. The author tells us about  the lengths a friend of hers go through to be attractive to her partner. I urge you to read the post because the style is really engaging and you will get a definite feel for what women feel they MUST do in order to be attractive.

I believe women fall into 2 categories: some do it for themselves and some do it for their partner or mate. I do think there are benefits to both…let me explain. I’m not saying you should do everything your partner wants you to do (in regards to your look) but if you know they like a certain ‘something’ it’s great to throw that into the mix every once in awhile right? But women should also be going through their lives looking HOW THEY WANT TO LOOK because they have to be comfortable in their own skin. This is so important and again, ties to the whole self-esteem issue I’ve talked about.

The post I read largely focuses on makeup. It got me to thinking about what I do on a daily basis. I like to think I’m low maintenance. Basically I tip my head upside down after I shampoo my hair and aim the dryer at it….no fussy styling. I will usually run the straightener through it if I have the time, only because it smooths out the frizzies my somewhat curly hair has. That’s it. As for makeup? Eyeliner. I need to wear it or my eyes disappear into my face. Seriously. I like a bit of color on my cheeks too because, the silly little girl in me, thinks it makes me look younger.

But other than that I’m pretty plain and I’m happy with that. I can’t imagine putting on face make up and powder every single day…I can’t imagine putting on full eye make up and choosing shadow colors every morning! It’s just not me. I think if a woman is happy with wearing make up daily, with wearing lingerie, or with getting waxed…then by all means DO IT.

Do it for yourself.

I shave my legs when I’m single…and I always paint my toenails, but never my fingernails….this never changes. There are certain things I do for myself…such as wear perfume! I need my scent. I’m lost without it.

Going back to feeling good about ourselves, these are the little things I do to feel good about MYSELF daily. Think about what you do daily, weekly or monthly, and WHY? Are you changing yourself for someone else? Or are you simply doing what you need to feel good?

Love life. Love yourself.

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Self Esteem: Why does it seem so hard to keep hold of?

Do you think that beautiful woman you pass by every morning at the train station, smartly dressed in a pinstriped suit, with perfect shiny hair and makeup has high self-esteem? What about the chubby teenager with acne who grabs your coffee at Starbucks in the morning- think she has it? Or your boss? Your mother? Your best friend?

The first thing that pops up in the dictionary when you look up self esteem is “a realistic respect for or favorable impression of oneself; self respect.” Well. When it’s put this way it almost seems EASY to understand! Respect- we all want that don’t we? So it shouldn’t be hard to give it to ourselves…
 
So why are we struggling? What will it take for us to look in the mirror and actually like that face or body that we see there? This is the body we were given; it’s the only one we are EVER going to get so we really have no choice but to accept it. Of course we have the choice to fix it, or better it so that we may like what we have more. This is why we exercise, why we wear makeup and style our hair so painstakingly every morning. We either don’t like what we see, or we simply want to elaborate on it.

 I’m not concerned with what you do on the outside to make yourself look pretty, or feel stylish- I do it too. Do you know how hard I struggle to straighten my hair? Or how I still look at the cellulite on my thighs and wonder for a moment what it would be like to have smooth legs? I’m concerned with what’s going on in your head to make you feel that you aren’t worth giving yourself the self-respect you deserve. You may grumble about not getting respect from others; perhaps it’s a pattern you repeat with men, or with female friends you attract. Have you stopped and asked yourself- are you showing the world that YOU respect YOURSELF? I’m not trying to berate you- I’m just putting a simple question out there. Think about it. How do you appear to others?

Do you let people walk all over you? Do you stay in a situation you know you should be out of, or deserve better, such as a relationship or your job? Do you not speak up to people and let your opinion be heard instead of letting others decide for you? These may seem like such small things on this page but when you add them up, they really do speak volumes.

Actions speak louder than words. Think about this statement. Why do we find it so hard to say what we really want? We may want something so bad, but our actions tell a completely different story. And since we’re not saying otherwise, this is what outsiders see and come to know about us. Until you find your voice, nothing can really change.

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Work hard at eating well. Don’t make it HARD WORK!

I have to remind myself sometimes, when I’m feeling lazy that eating well isn’t hard work…if you make it simple. Over the years I have discovered several ways to help me eat better, prepare food faster and make it more convenient. Unless you love spending hours in the kitchen…lets face it, it IS all about convenience.

I always want veggies and dip…or salad. But I hate cutting up everything- especially after a long day and I’m tired and HUNGRY. I now buy all my veggies on one day of the week, usually Sunday because that’s just what works for me…I come home and spend less than an hour of my time cutting and chopping. I put everything into resealable containers, and even my lettuce is washed and ready to be thrown in a bowl. I don’t cut tomatoes obviously, as they would dry out, but everything else is fair game. I don’t soak my veggies in water either since all the nutrients will seep out into the liquid, but soak a paper towel or cloth napkin and lie on top or around the veggies. This keeps them crunchy! Now when I come home during the week, making a salad is as simple as dumping my lettuce in a bowl, and adding all the good stuff.

I always keep an array of stuff from the bulk section too. This section of the grocery store is your best friend. I buy nuts and seeds here, dried fruit and granola (among other things). I always top my salads with pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds and a dried fruit of some kind- I lean towards cranberries.

Another staple in my fridge is a mixture of beans and rice. I flip between flavors and cravings but currently it’s been Spanish rice and black beans. I cook up a pot and put in fridge and makes an excellent QUICK burrito or wrap- hot or cold. You could throw meat in of course, and whatever else your little heart desires. It’s all about taste and convenience.

I’m also big on chili. I think it’s a great thing to simmer on the stove on weekend day, mixing and adding all the yummy stuff you want…,make it as spicy as you want…or as mild. I make a huge batch and freeze into portions. It only gets better with time! I discovered a chili burrito with rice is also a great way to use it up…Basically when you make things like pasta sauce- make MORE. And then freeze into portions. Knowing you have that to come home to, instead of say, ripping open a bag of *shudder* Mr Noodles, can make all the difference.

(Yes I use the Yves Veggie Ground “Burger” for my chili! Adds my protein and bulks it up.)
All it takes is a little planning….a little time (and I do mean LITTLE time) to make sure you eat well and love what you’re eating. If you put the effort into it, your body will thank you.

Until next time,
Love Chere Michelle

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